Heart with bandaid

The end of a matter is better than its beginning…
-Ecclesiastes 7:8

Sometimes, it’s hard to accept when a relationship is over. If it came with or without notice, you will find yourself in the middle of an emotional storm or wilderness. In the midst of the storm, God is there to catch you when you fall. He has your back. Trust Him that He knows what’s best for you, even if it doesn’t make any sense. You may ask questions why a relationship failed, and even if you do get the answers, they won’t provide the peace of mind you need to move on with the rest of your life.

To begin the healing process, you must be honest and candid with yourself. Oftentimes, after a break up, you may still hold onto hopes that you will get back with your ex-partner. However, you must face the truth: The relationship is over.

What does it mean? It’s dead. It no longer exists. Yes, memories of the past may still appear fresh in your mind, but the person is not with you in the present, and he or she will not be with you in your future. Don’t place blame on yourself or your ex. Forgive yourself and forgive your ex. It takes time to accept this truth. It’s necessary, and once you do, you will be able to begin the healing process.

There are certain things you need to do in order to ensure that your past relationships will not be carried into the future. Once you accept that the relationship is over, you must:

1. Cut off ALL communication ties. If your ex-partner doesn’t want to be with you, or vice versa, stop holding onto him or her.
-Delete the cell number.
-Delete all email messages.
-Delete all texts.
-Unfriend him or her from all social media accounts, i.e. Facebook, Instagram, etc.

There’s no sense of holding onto something that’s not there. Do not deceive yourself. You can’t be friends with a former partner. When you love someone, you give a part of yourself away, and there will always be an attachment to that person.

If your ex-partner keeps calling you, make it clear that you do not want to speak to them. They had already made their intentions clear through their words and actions that they did not want to be a part of your life.

Do not stalk your ex-partner on social media. You are better than that. Move on, and let them go!

2. Get rid of mementos/paraphernalia from past relationships. Valentine’s Day cards, pictures, clothes, etc. must be discarded. What if your future partner stumbled upon them? How would he or she feel? Stop carrying baggage from old relationships.

3. Give away keepsakes. Do you have a watch or a necklace given to you by your ex? I suggest you donate or sell them. You can use the money to build your savings account, donate to charities, etc.

4. Block memories when they try to resurface. You may catch yourself smiling at an old memory of your ex. The more you do this, the more your heart will ache with longing to get back with them. When the memories first appear at the door of your mind, don’t linger on the memories. Nip them at the bud!

To learn more ways on how you can heal and move on after a break up, check out the book, “How to Get Over a Break Up: Five Lessons on Healing and Moving On,” by C.S. Johnson at Amazon.com.

Cindy Similien-Johnson

Cindy Similien-Johnson is the founder of CSJ Media Publishing, and author of the bestselling e-cookbook series and popular cooking classes, "Cook Like A Haitian." She's also the founder of the women empowerment grassroots initiative, Goal Chic.

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