By Lyzz Repa
I am not at all concerned about the enemy of my enemy. We are not friends. There is a really great possibility that the enemy of my enemy is just as annoying, and not a good person to be around. The reason my enemy is your enemy might be completely frivolous. In fact, my enemy may be your enemy by default. Meaning they chose not to associate with you and not the other way around. Given the opportunity would you be their friend? See, some questions when answered may actually prove that my enemy isn’t your enemy but rather my enemy doesn’t like you. And who has time to go over all of those questions? Not I!
I am more concerned with my friend being friends with my enemy. Let me rephrase that. I am more concern with a close friend being friends with my enemy. Now, I am not a jealous friend. I’d say I am pretty lenient, you are free to associate with whomever you want and same goes for me. But let’s be clear. If you befriend someone who I have made many quarrels about, we have a problem; a serious problem. I said I wasn’t jealous, I made no reference to not being possessive or entitled.
This is how it works in my head. If we are “tight” and I discover that you are friends/chummy with someone who isn’t my cup of tea two things must be answered. 1) Were you friends before knowing I didn’t like them? If the answer is yes, well that’s fine. You might have had a lapse of judgment in the past. I cannot hold that against you. Besides we weren’t friends then, there was no one there to guide you in the right direction. [If we were all friends and a switch happened, that’s also fine. I didn’t know any better either at some point so how can I blame you! The same standards and requirements I have for you, I also have for myself. I am a fair person.] If my enemy is related to you this doesn’t apply, DNA doesn’t always get it right. If my enemy is related to me please continue to question two. 2) How can you be friends with someone like that? [Insert answer here]. It doesn’t matter what you answer; our friendship will probably end right then and there. You might have made great points, but all I heard was the fact you discussed your friendship with someone else to me. Someone whom you know I am not fond of. If you can do it with me, you can do it to me. Bottom line. The only right answer to question two is no answer at all.
I have been told that I am extremely friendly, so if I consider someone an enemy it must be very serious. I don’t even believe in people earning my trust. I give you my trust off the bat; you just have to keep it. Many don’t/won’t agree with me on this but reality is – it is much more difficult to maintain something you haven’t earned. Besides when you are earning someone’s trust it is a progression. You can go at it slowly or quickly. You can go up and down that totem pole. When someone’s trust is giving without questions the minute you falter that is the end of it all. There is no gaining it back. My life isn’t a game of baseball; you do not get tree strikes. You get one go at it. And not allowing someone to regain my trust has nothing to do with not believing in second chances. The first chance you got was us being friends, the second one was the opportunity for you to keep or throw away the trust I so freely gave to you. Fairly simple or difficult – you’re entitled to your opinion.
That being said you need to make a decision — technically, I will make the decision to no longer be friends and just be associates. I am not cold hearted, although I can be, I won’t just throw you away. However, I cannot have you in close circles to me. There is a level of comfort that is gone once I discover that my friend is friends with my enemy. Call me petty, I don’t care. We’ve already established that I am, but you will not call me friend. Ah!
What are your thoughts on the situation, could you be friends with someone who is extremely close to someone who has done you such harm that you now consider them an enemy or is it all whatever to you?